Everybody in college hates papers. Students hate writing them so much that they buy, borrow, or steal them instead. Plagiarism is now so commonplace that if we flunked every kid who did it, we’d have a worse attrition rate than a MOOC. And on those rare occasions undergrads do deign to compose their own essays, said exegetic masterpieces usually take them all of half an hour at 4 a.m. to write, and consist accordingly of “arguments” that are at best tangentially related to the coursework, font-manipulated to meet the minimum required page-count. Oh, “attitudes about cultures have changed over time”? I’m so glad you let me know.
Nobody hates writing papers as much as collegeinstructorshategradingpapers (and no, having a robot do it is not the answer). Students of the world: You think it wastes 45 minutes of your sexting time to pluck out three quotes from The Sun Also Rises, summarize the same four plot points 50 times until you hit Page 5, and then crap out a two-sentence conclusion? It wastes 15 hours of my time to mark up my students’ flaccid theses and non sequitur textual “evidence,” not to mention abuse of the comma that should be punishable by some sort of law—all so that you can take a cursory glance at the grade and then chuck the paper forever.
What’s more, if your average college-goer does manage to read through her professor’s comments, she will likely view them as a grievous insult to her entire person, abject proof of how this cruel, unfeeling instructor hates her. That sliver of the student population that actually reads comments and wants to discuss them? They’re kids whose papers are good to begin with, and often obsessed with their GPAs. I guarantee you that every professor you know has given an A to a B paper just to keep a grade-grubber off her junk. (Not talking to you, current students! You’re all magnificent, and going to be president someday. Please do not email me.)
Oh, “attitudes about cultures have changed over time”? I’m so glad you let me know.
When I was growing up, my mother—who, like me, was a “contingent” professor—would sequester herself for days to grade, emerging Medusa-haired and demanding of sympathy. But the older I got, the more that sympathy dissipated: “If you hate grading papers so much,” I’d say, “there’s an easy solution for that.” My mother, not to be trifled with when righteously indignant (that favored state of the professoriate), would snap: “It’s an English class. I can’t not assign papers.”
Mom, friends, educators, students: We don’t have to assign papers, and we should stop. We need to admit that the required-course college essay is a failure. The baccalaureate is the new high-school diploma: abjectly necessary for any decent job in the cosmos. As such, students (and their parents) view college as professional training, an unpleasant necessity en route to that all-important “piece of paper.” Today’s vocationally minded students view World Lit 101 as forced labor, an utterwasteof their time that deserves neither engagement nor effort. So you know what else is a waste of time? Grading these students’ effing papers. It’s time to declare unconditional defeat.
Most students enter college barely able to string three sentences together—and they leave it that way, too. With protracted effort and a rhapsodically engaged instructor, some may learn to craft a clunky but competent essay somewhere along the way. But who cares? My fellowhumanistsinsist valiantly that (among other more elevated reasons) writing humanities papers leads to the crafting of sharp argumentative skills, and thus a lifetime of success in a number of fields in which we have no relevant experience. But my friends who actually work in such fields assure me that most of their colleagues are borderline-illiterate. After all, Mark Zuckerberg’s pre-Facebook Friendster profile bragged “i don’t read” (sic),and look at him.
Of course it would be better for humanity if college in the United States actually required a semblance of adult writing competency. But I have tried everything. I held a workshop dedicated to avoiding vague introductions (“The idea and concept of the duality of sin and righteousness has been at the forefront of our understanding of important concepts since the beginning of time.”) The result was papers that started with two incoherent sentences that had nothing to do with each other. I tried removing the introduction and conclusion altogether, and asking for a three-paragraph miniessay with a specific argument—what I got read like One Direction fan fiction.
I’ve graded drafts and assigned rewrites, and that helps the good students get better, but the bad students, the ones I’m trying to help, just fail to turn in any drafts at all. Meanwhile, I come up for air and realize that with all this extra grading, I’m making 75 cents an hour.
I’m not calling for the end of all papers—just the end of papers in required courses. Some students actually like writing, and let those blessed young souls be English majors, and expound on George Eliot and Virginia Woolf to their hearts’ content, and grow up to become writers, huzzah. But for the common good, leave everyone else out of it.
Instead of essays, required humanities courses (which I support, for all the reasons William Cronon, Martha Nussbaum, and Paulo Freire give) should return to old-school, hardcore exams, written and oral. You cannot bullshit a line-ID. Nor can you get away with only having read one page of the book when your professor is staring you down with a serious question. And best of all, oral exams barely need grading: If you don’t know what you’re talking about, it is immediately and readily manifest (not to mention, it’s profoundly schadenfroh when a student has to look me in the face and admit he’s done no work).
A Slate Plus Special Feature:
Students hate writing papers, and professors hate grading them. Should we stop assigning them? Listen to the debate on Slate Plus.
Plus, replacing papers with rigorous, old-school, St. John’s-style tribulations also addresses an issue humanities-haters love to belabor: Paper-grading is so subjective, and paper-writing so easy to fake, that this gives the humanities their unfortunate reputation as imprecise, feelings-centered disciplines where there are “no right answers.” So let’s start requiring some right answers.
Sure, this quashes the shallow pretense of expecting undergraduates to engage in thoughtful analysis, but they have already proven that they will go to any lengths to avoid doing this. Call me a defeatist, but honestly I’d be happy if a plurality of American college students could discern even the skeletal plot of anything they were assigned. With more exams and no papers, they’ll at least have a shot at retaining, just for a short while, the basic facts of some of the greatest stories ever recorded. In that short while, they may even develop the tiniest inkling of what Martha Nussbaum calls “sympathetic imagination”—the cultivation of our own humanity, and something that unfolds when we’re touched by stories of people who are very much unlike us. And that, frankly, is more than any essay will ever do for them.
Welcome to guruwritings.com
We are a custom essay writing company with over five years of experience in writing college, university and masters’ essays, term papers, research papers, book & movie reviews, critiques, reports and speeches. Our focus is to provide quality and original custom papers at reasonable prices, and on time. We boast of Masters’ and P.H.D writers with skills and experience in diverse fields of study including, management, business, economics, sociology, psychology, philosophy, history, literature, arts and other disciplines. We seek to ensure that students have access to professional and reliable custom essay writing services.
Which website provides good assignment help and correct answers? We help students from the U.S, Australia, Canada and U.K to complete their assignments on time. Our assignment help services are appropriate for high school, college and university students. We hire tutors from recognized universities to provide you with the best assignment help and homework services. The assignment services include not only questions-and-answers, essays, research papers and article reviews/critiques but also well-explained solutions for mathematics and engineering assignments. We have been offering students fast, reliable and affordable assignment and homework help services for several years. Do not hesitate to contact us if you encounter any challenges with your assignment or homework.
How can I find a good custom writing website? We have wonderful custom essay writing services. Our custom essays and sample papers help to turn amateurs into accomplished writers. We help students to create impressive essays by offering them professional assistance with research and data gathering and analysis. Custom writing service reviews on various websites and essay writing forums demonstrate that our website is the best option for students who need to use custom writing services online. We offer favorable discounts to students who need to write a 5, 8, 10, 15 or 20-page paper in a few hours or one night.
How can I buy an original essay online cheap? You can buy essays online in the U.S, Australia, Canada and U.K from our website. We guide our customers through the steps of buying an essay online. Our customer support team is available 24/7 to show you how to order a custom essay on our website. We rank among the top five websites where students can buy essays online. We continue to work tirelessly to become the top website where students can get essay examples, samples and assistance with writing topics.
Which is the most reliable essay writing website? A look at the review of essay writing websites by students in various forums and websites shows that no other website has been as consistent as guruwritings.com in providing satisfactory products and services. Students who use our services always receive their papers on time. Furthermore, our customer support team handles any arising issue immediately upon receiving the customer’s notification. Many tutors recommend our website to students who are looking for an essay writing website that guarantees privacy, quality services and value for money and time. Forums such as the comparison of the best essay writing websites show that we are among the most reliable writing websites.
The guruwritings.com places emphasis on the quality of our custom writing services. We have a quality-control team that works 24/7 to ensure our custom essays align with the customers' instructions and expectations. The guruwritings.com pricing strategy considers that most of our custom essay clients are students whose financial wellbeing cannot allow them to pay high prices for essay writing services. We sell high-quality custom papers while ensuring that students in all academic levels, high school to doctoral, get the necessary help with essay writing. The guruwritings.com charges as low as $10/Page depending on the paper’s urgency and academic level. The advantage of buying an essay from the guruwritings.com is that our prices are negotiable and flexible to fit the customer’s financial standing and custom paper requirements. Quality work supersedes the challenges of great writing. An original custom essay makes a significant difference in the life of a student no matter his or her geographical location, native language, ethnicity or race. Great writers share positive attitudes and professionalism towards writing assignments irrespective of their background. Buy a paper today at the guruwritings.com and have a trustworthy essay writing company take care of your research and writing tasks. Do not let essay writing frustrate you. Visit the guruwritings.com and get cheap essay and research papers for a small fee. We will walk with you through the tumultuous journey to academic excellence. Buy custom papers from the guruwritings.com and let us help you improve your grades and school experience.
- Thorough Research and Quality Writing
- Direct Communication with a Writer
- UK, US, Canadian, Australian Writers
- Up-to-date Sources Only
- Any Citation Style
- Be Informed 24/7
- Essay in 5, 6, 8, 12, 16, 20 hours!
- 100% Authenticity Guarantee
- 100% Privacy Guarantee
- Times New Roman Font
- 12 point font size
- Over 275 words/page
- Text aligned left
- One inc margin